Oh, hi :)

HEY there!

In case you may have just stumbled across my blog randomly, I wanted to introduce myself and let you know a bit about what you’ll find here!

Firstly, I am a Child of God and PROUD of it!! It is an incredible blessing to grow closer to my Savior and I love sharing my journey with Christ unapologetically because in trusting HIM, my life has become something greater than I ever could have imagined, and I want THAT for YOU, too!

I am WIFE to an wonderful man named Dexter and a toddler mommy to Miss Kennedy!! Those two are my world so get ready to see lots of pictures of them!!

I have a degree in elementary education but also have a heart for helping people be HEALTHY and enjoy CREATING things so, by God’s grace and trusting HIS path for my life, I have been able to combine all of these passions AND stay home to watch my beautiful little girl grow up.

—> Our family was DROWNING— fights every day because we had no money, no clue where our rent payment would come from, PILES of defaulted bills, no cable/internet, and power being cut off. I found myself SEARCHING, scrolling in the middle of the night as I nursed my brand new baby girl, searching for ANYTHING that could help save my family from the financial suffocation. (And that’s really how it felt…even typing those words I feel that "I-can’t-breath" anxiety I used to feel DAILY.)

Oh, and the 60 pounds of “baby weight” I gained during pregnancy weren’t BUDGING.

I had no clue how we would be able to even inch our way out of that darkness, but, when I finally FULLY relied on God and completely TRUSTED —His— plan for my life, Beachbody coaching swooped in and saved us. Not only financially, but by focusing on personal health and growth has made SUCH a difference in every area of life, including my marriage. Over 85 pounds lost and a brand new home later, I have been gifted with a platform to SHARE my story and pray that I can SERVE those who may be facing similar issues so they can CHANGE their lives for the better. heart emoticon

It is my MISSION to help people realize they DESERVE true happiness and a life greater than their wildest dreams, and I am honored to share the message that better HEALTH can be a solid foundation for the best YOU & best LIFE possible.

If you connect with me, my passions, my faith, or my message, PLEASE reach out! I would love to chat and learn more about YOU!!


PLEASE feel free to send me a friend request, click “FOLLOW," OR send me a private message on Facebook.

YOU are beautiful. You ARE worthy. You are ENOUGH. heart emoticon



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Prescription Side Effects or FOOD Side Effects?

WHAT IF


instead of a cute girl with red hair

or the voice of a big, burly, manly man telling you how to "eat like a manly man,"


foods had to list THEIR possible side effects,

just like all of the medicines you see commercials for have to list theirs...medicines that most of the time we only need because of the lifestyle (ehm: dietary) choices we make?





Why are we willing to risk things like


heart attack

suicidal thoughts or actions

joint and muscle pain

decreased control over bodily functions

DEATH


from prescription drugs {and are somehow able to just brush off}






when the things we are eating have been PROVEN to be linked to


diabetes

obesity

depression

high blood pressure

and all sorts of other things we keep trying to medicate to "fix"








WHAT IF


we eliminate the problems instead of just trying to mask them, only to risk MORE problems?

What if we committed to improve our overall health and cut down drastically, maybe even eliminate entirely, the risks of ALL of the above?





WHAT IF


we choose foods Mother Nature made

foods that make us feel GOOD

foods that take care of our insides

foods that didn't have to be tested in a lab....





{And that's my 2 cents.}

"What do you want to major in?"

So many students about to head off to college...it got me thinking about where my head was at when they said, "What do you want to major in?"


Well, in 4th grade I had a teacher who was AMAZING and that entire year I told myself that I wanted to do what SHE did when I grew up. But then I learned how teachers don't make much money, and if I was going to spend so much time and effort invested in something, I wanted to be able to provide a life of adventure and opportunity for my family.


So, the other degrees on my mind were nursing and marketing. I loved the idea of helping people get healthy, and working with sick kids really spoke to my heart (because of that story I shared with you all about my childhood friend's journey with cancer).

I also had the idea of (business) marketing on my mind because I loved creating fun  visuals, and my dad being the amazing artist that he is gave me the confidence I needed to believe I could be good at something "artsy" too.

Plus either of these options could lead to a good income, right? Or at least have the POTENTIAL for it, right? (Unlike teaching...sheesh they really deserve to earn more money.)

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Well, I spent my first week of college as a nursing major. That was all. On the first day of my biochemistry class, our professor said, "Be prepared to dedicate at least 10 additional hours a week on this class." Um. As a student-athlete, I already knew I didn't have that kind of time.

So, to marketing I go. Long story short, I HATED the "business" side of a business major. Econ 202 & Accounting 202 scarred me for life.

I finally decided SCREW THE MONEY, I would just listen to my 4th grade self and do something I'm truly passionate about.

I completed my elementary education degree and really did love it! I LOVED student teaching but I also realized more than ever that the WORK to INCOME ratio was completely inconsistent with the ADVENTURE and OPPORTUNITY I wanted to be able to provide.

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And now, as you all know, I am a work at home mom/girlboss building a fitness empire as I watch my baby girl grow up. And I realized something that I think is SO FREAKING COOL:

I get to combine ALL of these things I once "majored" in...

I help people get healthy. I create fun graphics and visuals as I share my life and business with you all. And I teach people how to truly adopt health as a lifestyle, and teaching grown ups about this has a direct impact on their children's health and lifestyle choices as THEY grow up. {{LOVE that.}}

And the best part? The part I NEVER thought about at ALL? The MOST IMPORTANT thing ANY of us could ever do? Every day I first and foremost work to become the BEST version of myself.

We can't be the best mom, wife, boyfriend, nurse, CEO, office assistant, WHATEVER unless we are the best, HIGHEST "me" first.

Once we start working toward that, anything is possible, especially in a business like this. The opportunity, the influence, the income, the adventure, ANYTHING.

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If YOU want to learn more about this, if ANY of this sounds appealing to you, please email me or reach out to me on Facebookfb.com/toriheyman.fitlife so we can get you into our Sneak Peek into Coaching group. Not enough people in this world realize just what they deserve, and I am eager to help you change that.

Playing for 25

I came across an article today that explains the meaning behind the sunflowers that the Florida Gator softball team wear every game.

{{In case you didn't know, I was a softball player my whole life, from age 6 through college at the University of Louisville ('08-'12), and right now the Women's College World Series in wrapping up with Florida and Michigan competing for the national championship.}}

The article brought tears to my eyes for more than one reason.

When I was 9, I played travel softball with a girl named Megan. She was the sweetest girl who I really looked up to. Kind to everyone. Full of love and positive energy. So passionate about the sport and ALWAYS gave her all. She was the kid every coach loves having on their team and every parent wants their kid to be friends with. We became great friends and she inspired me to run a little faster, cheer a little louder, and stay positive after a strikeout.

I'll never forget the day my parents told me she had cancer. We were about to leave our house to go to our end of season party, and they sat me down on the couch, both kneeled in front of me and explained, as cautiously as they could, the situation.

We held fundraisers, we prayed, we tried to act as normal as possible whenever we were around her even though we were terrified. I remember sneaking onto our computer to read the email updates from her parents. The fact that the memories of writing songs together and singing them in the car, playing in the horrendous heat for hours on end, and that our friendship would be coming to an end was really hard for me to deal with.

After her memorial service about a year later, all I can remember is bawling my eyes out uncontrollably in the backseat of the car, my parents doing their best to console me but my heart was shattered. And from that moment on all I wanted was to play to honor her.

I changed my number to hers- 25 for the rest of my softball days. When moments got tough during a game, practice, or workout, I thought about how much heart and hustle she would give, how much harder she would push. She inspired me my entire career, even through my years playing at University of Louisville, and I was humbled and proud to wear that number on my jersey and do my best to carry on her legacy. 

She's a vegan?!

Well, yes. Kinda. Maybe.

Last fall I watched Hungry for Change and it really opened my eyes about the health issues this country is facing and how a plant-based diet can help us solve so many of those problems. I was so convinced that I decided to challenge myself. I committed to 90 days of a plant-based diet and kind of fell in love with it. I felt good. I didn't have the bloated, yuck feeling after every meal. Remember all of those recipes I posted last holiday season? Yep. I even stayed plant-based over the holidays. There are so many resources to help us stay on track with however we want to eat! Just google that sh** ;)

I was very strict with myself during those 90 days and did not allow a single thing that wasn't plant based. So, when the challenge was over, I RAN to the frozen yogurt shop. ;) There were some things I missed, the bloated feeling not one of them.

I went back to eating eggs and bacon and my old faves, trying to balance everything out and then I watched Earthlings.

I don't know how anyone could watch that documentary and NOT feel convicted to stop eating animals. My heart broke (and I'm not any kind of animal activist...I mean, I'm the one talking my hubby out of getting a puppy lol).

Seeing the torture they endure and learning about the "life" they live made up my mind immediately. I'm done eating animal products for good. I know that vegans cut out all animal products entirely, including clothing, beauty products, etc. but for now I am adjusting to this lifestyle with my nutrition only. It's pretty easy to turn down the old faves like Panda Express and Cracker Barrel (those pancakes are BOMB and you know it) when you think about the process it took to get that meal in front of you. I don't want to go into graphic detail here, but I definitely recommend watching Earthlings so you can see for yourself.

Hear more of my story and my decision here:

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Be prepared for more plant-based recipes! And as always, I would be honored to help you on your fitness journey. (No, I won't force you to say good-bye to chicken and steak ;) ) Just email me or find me on Facebook.

Is coaching for REAL?

See that picture? THAT is exactly what I felt like when I was first approached about the coaching opportunity. I was like, "Hmmm, sounds cool but also sounds like a scam." HONESTLY!! I kind of looked at the opportunity with one eye because, to be real with you, we couldn't afford to lose any money. We were in a dark place financially and I was desperate to find a source of income I could earn from home. We didn't even know how we'd pay rent each, let alone any other bills, so we couldn't even put our brand new baby in daycare so I could go get a job. It was a really trying time and it felt like God just kept putting Beachbody coaching in front of me so I finally decided I needed to just trust Him and give it my best shot. Plus, if I could make it work I'd be able to stay home with my little one, so it was a WIN all around.


I really want to save you from the uncertainty and anxiety of researching this coaching opportunity with Beachbody. Whether you are here looking into joining my team or someone else's, I want to ensure you get the information you need because I truly want EVERYONE to succeed and 110% believe this opportunity can SAVE people. It saved me and my family and I've seen it time and time again save countless others. Let's start by discussing exactly what a beachbody coach IS and ISN'T.

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Does that help to clear some of your questions up? I know it was pretty eye opening to me when I learn that my initial thoughts were completely wrong. The NUMBER ONE thing I believe that rings true is someone with a big heart who wants to GROW as a leader and a person. A Beachbody coach leads other people AND themselves in the right direction with their health and fitness as well as other goals and dreams. There are a few really common misconceptions that I hear all the time and I wanted to address them a bit more in depth!


--You don't have to be at your goal weight! Beachbody coaching is more about taking the journey WITH others, along side of you. Doing it TOGETHER. Think about it.....how relatable is perfection? I would not be motivated by somebody who proclaimed to have it all together and have the perfect/ideal body they always wanted. I want to know that someone else is sacrificing and fighting to put down that pop-tart right along side of me! Coaching is all about RELATING to people and the more REAL and VULNERABLE we are, sharing our ups and downs, the more people connect with us and see that they can do it too!


--You don't have to be a business expert! A lot of people are really nervous at first which is totally normal--I know I was! We think things like "How would I get people to join my team?" or "How would I get in touch with people" or " I don't even think I have a market!" or "How do I get people to join a challenge without being salesy?" The BEST thing about being part of an awesome team......ALL THESE THINGS ARE ALREADY SPELLED OUT for you. We have tons of trainings, documents and one-on-one trainings constantly running to help everyone reach their business goals! Lots of the TOP COACHES in the BIZ (we are talking millionaires, guys) have figured out the ways and they pass it down to you! :)


--You do NOT have to be a certified personal trainer or nutrition expert. Recognize these names? Shaun T? Tony Horton? Autumn Calabrese? Chalene Johnson? These are the CELEBRITY TRAINERS that Beachbody has chosen to create workout programs and whip challengers into shape! They are THE BEST OF THE BEST! Beachbody also has full teams of the top nutritionists making supplements and custom meal plans-- tested and proven-- for challengers to use! As a coach, you are simply there to support, and encourage them as you lead by example.


--It is NOT a pyramid scheme! (Clearly I was clueless as to what "pyramid scheme" meant because it makes no sense that this was a fear I had about Beachbody haha!) Pyramid schemes are those that people buy into but no value/good/or service is exchanged. People are giving money to buy into the company, and recruiters get paid just from people buying in. The people who get into the company first will always make the most money because every future recruit is literally putting money in their pocket just by signing up. Beachbody is very different than that because, for example, I do not get paid anything for you becoming a coach. The only time I benefit from you being a coach is when you help others achieve their fitness goals. Also, you don't buy in to the company. The only fee you pay other than for your products are for your websites and online office. You also always have the ability to outgrow and out earn those above you, unlike in a pyramid scheme. It's all dependent on how hard you work and how many people's lives you change by helping them on their health and fitness journey. In pyramid schemes, your only job is to bring in other people. With Beachbody, the only reason we bring in other people is to influence and change as many lives as possible. The reason we get paid for it is simply because our CEO decided instead of relying on only infomercials and store sales, he would rather have people who are using the products and passionate about them share their stories to help others achieve their own goals.

Also, no one person sits at the top, reaping the benefits, your success depends on how hard you work, plain and simple...is it Multi Level Marketing? Absolutely, EVERY company is in a way...every company has a CEO at the top, but with this company, like I said, you can make more than your own coach or even their coach, etc.

Feel better?? Yay! 

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Now, let's talk about some of the BENEFITS of becoming a coach! 

.....I know. Amazing, right?

That is what I am trying to tell you! But most people cant see it at first because our BRAINS ARE TRAINED & our culture is SO committed to:

-going to school

-spending thousands getting a degree

-working in that job for YEARS behind a desk until you GET TO retire

-"living for the weekend"

-living stressed out because of finances and lack of time to really ENJOY life and spend time with loved ones

There was always something deep down in my heart that knew life was supposed to be MORE than that-- BETTER than that. 

All of the benefits above are real and true. In my first 12 weeks I averaged earning about $250 A WEEK with Beachbody. How much would an extra $1000 dollars a month help you and your family? We actually got to buy Christmas presents and take a real trip to the grocery store. Are you saving for an extra special vacation? A new pair of shoes? OR are you struggling every month to pay that electric bill? OR do just not have any money left over when all is said and done? With that financial freedom comes all of the other benefits listed above. And you, of course, have the opportunity to GROW exponentially. The amount of money you make is a direct reflection of the number of lives you change. Many coaches we work with have been able to grow their business to a 6-figure income within a year. Does everyone do it? No. But does everyone have the same possibility? Absolutely. It's just a matter of commitment, persistence, and belief in yourself. (And trust me, you'll GROW in that so so much as you dive into the daily process of coaching...but more on that in Coach Training ;) )

Oh, and P.S., there is NO OBLIGATION. Most of the time when you sign up for an opportunity like this, there is a time commitment or a huge financial commitment. You could sign up as a coach and then cancel the very next day if you decide it's not for you. 

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Now lets talk about the THREE different KINDS of coaches! YES, there are options-- everyone's goals are different so there are different kinds of coaching you can do! 

Make sense?? You can choose which kind of coach you want to be AND you can change your mind at any point in time! If you start out as a discount coach and one day wake up and have it on your heart to build this into a full-time business, you absolutely can! I am here as your coach to help you reach whatever YOUR goals are! 

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I think the graphic below explains something really shocking and exciting, and I know the first time I saw it, it was like a slap in the face, realizing the kind of opportunity that was in the palm of my hand. So, of course I had to share with you. How does being a Beachbody coach compare to starting your own franchise elsewhere? (Because that's basically what you're doing...starting your own "franchised" Beachbody/health & fitness business...just without having to do all the yucky, not fun behind the scenes stuff!)

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If you're anything like I was, you might be sitting there thinking, "Well, it seems like an awesome opportunity and there is really nothing to lose BUT I am still feeling like I don't know if I would be a "GOOD" coach." 

Well, to be honest, coaching can be for anyone, and I'm not just saying that. The life transformations I've witnessed are nothing short of miraculous and proof that no matter your background or situation, you can take this opportunity and run with it, creating the life of your dreams. 
From bankrupt bartender to millionaire Elite coach. 
From broke waitress on drugs to 4-time Elite coach. 
From unhappy corporate job to six-figure home business. 
From a doctor with no time for family to stay at home 6 figure earning dad. 
From stressed-out teacher to stay at home mom, 6 figure earning Elite coach in a year.
You guys. You can do this, too. I know it.  < 3

Everything make sense? Email me or shoot me a message on Facebook.

Want to learn more and chat one-on-one about coaching? 

Click here & fill out the form! 

Excited to share this with you!!

I said YES!!!

....3 years ago.

Well, most of you already knew I'm married, right?! But I had to get your attention ;)

That cute little Timehop app is the greatest. Up popped this ring picture and all of the memories from the weekend flooded my memory. And then I realized I never told you all HOW he asked. (And as a female always stalking howheasked.com, I'm disappointed in myself.)

So if you didn't know already, I played softball my entire life. That road led me to the University of Louisville as a scholarship athlete where I met Mr. Dexter Heyman in an acting class. It was the fall of our sophomore year and honestly, it was divine intervention that I ended up in that class...and with a huge crush on this handsome, hilarious man. When scheduling my classes for that semester, I had one spot to fill and one of my teammates randomly said to me, "Hey let's take this acting for non-majors class together! It'll be fun!" Well, why the heck not, right?

Dexter and I had never even hung out outside of class but when we had a chance to do partner scenes with someone, my heart skipped a beat when we wound up together. In a bit of foreshadowing, our skit had us playing husband and wife....I didn't hate it ;)

(I actually remember thinking to myself, "Yeah, I would be okay if this ended up being real life...")

So, we were just friends for most of that year, but in FCA we were going through Song of Solomon and our awesome chaplain really spoke to my heart when talking with us about what a Godly partner would be like. Being a part of that study really changed my heart and taught me a lot about what I was looking for...

Fast forward to the end of our senior years. He had been selected to go play for the Kansas City Chiefs and we (the softball team) were in postseason of our best year ever, about to start our conference tournament.

The night we arrived at Notre Dame for the tournament, we had a dinner banquet. That same night Dexter was having his going away party back home in Louisville and I knew he had to fly to Kansas City the next morning. I figured I wasn't going to see him until our season ended and I could head out there to be with him.

He texted me late that night, talking about how he loved me because he knew I didn't just love his "football self." Right as I fell asleep, my roommate snapped this picture and put it on instagram. The caption still gives me butterflies:

(She showed me this the next day and my heart melted a little more.)

So it's super early, like 4am, and I (somehow) wake up to a text from my boyfriend. He said something along the lines of, "Promise we are forever, no matter what?" ...I think you know my answer to that. 

And the next text read, "Then open your door and say yes to me."

I open the door and there he is, down on one knee. I honestly don't remember the sweet words he said (at all...) because I was in such shock. The man drove from Louisville to South Bend, Indiana after his going away party so he could pop the question before he headed off for rookie camp. He could only stay about 30 minutes before he had to turn right back around in order to catch his flight out of Louisville, but every second was full of elation, jumping around, hugging, giggling, crying...soaking up the moment.

I remember going down to the lobby and taking that ring picture (above) to post on social media (of course ;) ) and then during breakfast, my teammates all freaked out with me, as did the girls from the other teams staying in our hotel for the tournament. 

Jennie Finch was commentating for our tournament games and after one of our wins, she interviewed me and congratulated me when she saw my sister hand me my ring. (Had to keep that baby safe during games, of course. :) ) 

I ended that weekend with 2 rings...one from my soulmate and one for winning our conference. I guess you could say it was a win-win...but that would be super cheesy. ;)

Oh, and you want to know a secret?? We took our engagement photos before we actually got engaged. ::commence crazy looks::

We knew we would get married and also knew his schedule would be crazy so we just went ahead and knocked em out. I LOVE them so much and will always treasure these photos. Check out the album on Facebook if you want to see them all! 

The Fit Life Newsletter!

The Fit Life Newsletter is now LIVE! If you want to make sure you get these weekly healthy lifestyle tips and tricks to YOUR inbox, be sure to check out the first week here and then subscribe!

(PS Did you know you can subscribe to the blog too so you don't miss any of these updates? Look over there on that right hand side ;) )

A little bit of the goodness you might be missing out on if you don't subscribe:

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not perfect. BUT in our workouts, if you want to get the most out of them in order to get the best results (and I'm pretty sure we all do...otherwise we wouldn't be working out, right?), it is CRUCIAL that we focus on form. If we focus on just keeping up with the trainer or going as fast as we can or just "getting through it," we sacrifice the goal of that particular move, and our body doesn't get the were it was supposed to. For example, if you're doing a squat, when you don't go all the way down, you're NOT getting all you can out of the move and you're NOT doing the work the trainer wanted you to. I'm not saying you have to do more than you're capable of. What I AM saying is that we MUST focus on form first, then speed. Trust me, you'll be way more sore doing 1/2 the number of squats CORRECTLY than if you had only half-a**ed all of them. :) 

The workout I'm doing now is Insanity Max 30...heard of it? It's CRAZY. Like. CRAY CRAY. But I freakin love it. Pushing your mind and body further than you believe you can for 30 minutes every day. You can see a vlog from my first time through the 60 day program (with lots of other workout tips) on my YouTube channel. 

Want to do this program with me? Send me a message on Facebook saying "Tell me how to MAX OUT!""

No longer afraid of the fall

I took this picture 96 FLOORS UP.

We went to the Signature Room on the 96th floor of the John Hancock Center when we were in Chicago and sitting up there, looking down on the rest of the city really got me thinking.

When I looked straight down out of the floor to ceiling window, my heart started racing. It almost made me afraid to sit next to the window...but when I came back to reality and looked the other way, I remembered that I didn't have to worry about falling so my racing heart settled and the fear went away.
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At first glance into so many things in my life...D1 softball, post-baby body transformation, becoming an entrepreneur...that fear of failure was the first thing to pop into my mind.

We are afraid we aren't good enough, smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, or worthy enough.. We are afraid we can't reach our full potential. We hold ourselves back from so much because we are afraid of falling..of failing.

But then...what if we don't risk it? What if we sit back and settle? What if we forgo the opportunity for greatness? When I was 16 one of my softball coaches told us a quote after a game that really stuck with me. "Good is the enemy of great." That's so true no matter what we do in life. We settle for a life that is "safe" and "good enough" because we are AFRAID of going after greatness.

Is it really worth it though? Wouldn't it be better to GO FOR IT-- REALLY go for it and give it our all-- than to sit back and watch others do what we wish we could do and live a life we wish was our own?

Here's a secret: we can.

I can.
You can.

We just have to decide to stop holding ourselves back and go for what we really want. Deciding to go for those 3 things I listed above turned out to be the BEST decisions of my life...I faced the fear of failure and decided I was going to do it. No. matter. what. Were there tough times? Hell yes. Are there still? Absolutely. But when you tell yourself that quitting is not an option, obstacles that once may have meant failure simply become detours. If you don't quit, you can't fail.

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The people who built this skyscraper may have been terrified at the thought of it (and especially when finishing off the top floors), and I'm sure they had plenty of obstacles- detours- during the process, but think about the pride and elation they felt when it was finished.heart 

Becoming a Mommy

So the other day I came across an article called "Three Truths about C-Section Mamas," and it really took me back. The first truth sent me into tears, and the next put my heart right back in the same place it was the day my sweet daughter was born. I really felt a tugging to share the story of my journey into motherhood, and yesterday I discussed it a bit up till the moment I heard her first cry...but I wanted to share the next 2 weeks as well. I know so many of you can relate, and I know there are thousands of mommas out there who would go through it all time and time again, sacrificing anything and everything for their child's health and safety. 

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My plan with Miss Kennedy's birth was to go all natural. No drugs, no c-section, just good old fashioned having a baby the way women did for centuries.

We made it 18 hours. It was grueling. It was more painful than anything I ever endured or could imagine, and I'm pretty sure my brain has blocked out just how painful it was; I can't even describe it. (OH, and I was freaking STARVING. That no food thing is evil lol.)

And then, in the middle of the night, they told me her oxygen levels were dropping each time I had a contraction.

They had me shift positions a couple times, and told me to start contemplating the idea of a cesarean.

That was not an option for me until it was the ONLY option to keep Kennedy safe, but they said to think about it and they'd be back within about an hour to check progress as the nurses kept an eye out.

They came back about 3 minutes later.

Kennedy couldn't breathe well. Her vitals were dipping dangerously low now. So they told me it needed to happen. I remember the doctor saying, "If this was my baby, I'd go now."

I was scared. I was upset that my plan wasn't happening. I was horrified that this was my new reality.

As I walked into the operating room to get the epidural and prep for this surgery, I was so scared. I was fighting back tears that wouldn't stop if I let them out. Dexter couldn't come into the room yet so I was alone in a stark white bright room with all of these strangers around preparing to cut me open, trying to deal with the fact that my baby was in danger, this wasn't how things were supposed to be going, and trying to figure out WHY this was happening this way.

Through the fear and loneliness, a thought came RUSHING into my mind. I'm pretty sure it was God speaking to me because it instantly calmed my nerves, gave me strength, sent the tears away, and prepared my heart for what was happening.

"This is the only way to keep your baby safe. And that is ALL that matters."
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I remember when she finally came out. After all of the numbed tugging I felt (c section mommas--that feels SO WEIRD, right?!) , they told me she was here and the only thing I was listening for was her cry. 

"Please cry, please cry, please cry." I knew cries meant life. And that was all that mattered.

It took probably less than 30 seconds but seemed like 10 minutes to hear that sweet voice cut through the air.

Instant tears. (And current tears as I relive this with her toddler self crawling all over me, showering me with just-because kisses.)

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But then...they had to tie me back up. I remember finally getting to see her and bawling my eyes out. So many emotions came flooding over me. 

She did it. 

She's so strong.

I can't believe I'm a mom.

I can't believe she's here.

Look how beautiful she is.

Look at how sweet my handsome hubby is as a daddy.

I just want to hold her.

Give. Me. My. Baby.

But I had to wait. I fell asleep in the hour or so that they spent putting my body back together and they took Kennedy to make sure she was really okay. She was born at 4:43 a.m. 

When I got back to our room, I think it was around 7 before they brought her in to me. I will never forget the first time I held that sweet little girl. She immediately started nursing and that was hands down the coolest experience in my life. She just KNEW how to do it. That little life just hanging out for 9 months comes out into the world and already knows how to flourish. Like, HOW?! So cool to me.

But then the doctor came in. She told me why her oxygen kept dropping. Her cord was tied in a "true knot" so every time the pain came for me, that knot squeezed tighter. But also, as they were pulling her out of her womb, she had swallowed some fluid. They wanted to take her back to watch her and run some tests. 

Insert terror. Insert every worst fear running through my mind.

She seemed absolutely fine to me, but they said her breathing patterns were a little off so they had some suspicions. The previous 18 hours no longer mattered. All the pain and fear and things going against my plan, nothing mattered. 

Even if she seemed perfectly healthy to me, what if that was the last time I would be able to hold my perfect girl?

_______________________________________________________________

It was hours before I heard back from the doctor. I thought that morning would be full of cuddles, kisses, and simply just staring into her eyes, feeling her soft beautiful skin, but it was full of worry and barely getting to see my little girl. It was so hard to be so close to her for 9 months and then the second I finally got to see her and really meet her, she was taken so far away. 

She had pneumonia. Fluid in her lungs because she tried to boss the whole breathing thing before actually coming out into the world. (No surprise...this is one strong-willed, independent little girl who I have no doubt will attack and dominate whatever she decides to.)

They wanted her to stay in the NICU for at least 7 days so they could keep her under watch and let the pneumonia medicine run its course. 

Now, let me pause for a moment and say that I know there are so many mommas and parents out there whose child had to endure much more dire circumstances, but all parents also know that any threat to their child's health takes you straight to the worst case scenario in your mind. My heart goes out to all parents with sick children, and I pray you find God's strength and comfort in those difficult times. 

Kennedy was hooked up to multiple machines and had pricks and shots and so many painful things happening to her precious, fragile little body. I couldn't even hold her for a couple days. 

I felt so helpless knowing there was nothing I could do but have faith. 

I couldn't comfort her. 

I couldn't hold her.

I couldn't take her away from the danger. That's what had me shattered. My job was to protect this child and I couldn't do it. 

I couldn't do anything but ask for God to keep her safe. 

You really learn a lot about love, parenthood, and your faith in moments like these. My own recovery was just as the nurse told me it would be. "Tomorrow you'll feel like you got hit by a truck." Yep. No joke. But I didn't care. All I wanted to do was get down the hall to spend every second possible with my girl. 

She healed up just as the doctors said she would, and was even able to spend a few of the nights with us in our room so we got to cuddle all through the night. 

_______________________________________________________________

We finally went home after seven days of NICU experience and she's been the healthiest little person ever since then. She's a fighter. She's strong. She's perfect. She's here...and that's all that matters.

Thank you, God, for this gift.

Am I Worthy?

Ready for my close up

Not just with the picture, but I wanted to share some things that have been on my heart lately. Plus, hey, it’s transformation Tuesday and this counts lol. It’s a bit deeper kind of transformation than my baby right arm bicep growing :p

In 4th grade, I said to myself, “remember that this is the first time you feel fat.” I actually remember sitting in the hallway, watching other girls at the other end of the hall, having this huge mental shift.

We moved just before I started 6th grade and I was so self-conscious that it held me back from making new friends. I kept telling myself, “they already have their friends, why would they want me?” Then in my health (!) class, my teacher (who was, no offense to her, obese) pulled me aside one day and told me that I’d “need to be careful because girls built like us gained weight really easily and if I didn’t watch out, I’d end up like her.” Or maybe that last part was just where my mind went…because what else would a 12 year old girl think when she is already bigger (ehm, taller) than all of the girls in her grade and having these negative body thoughts?

Seeds get planted over time and your mind starts to play tricks on you. It starts to make connections and set in DEEP rooted beliefs about yourself that eventually will dictate your life…unless you take control back. Unless you decide that will NOT be your story. 

“I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become.” -Carl Jung

Every day for the past year and a half I have
-surrounded myself with uplifting people who believe in me when I don’t.
-taken care of my body by being active and feeding myself healthy foods.
-changed my mindset and grown in my confidence by reading and listening to personal development. (I cannot put into words what a huge impact this one has had on my life.)

These 3 things have completely changed my perception of myself AND the trajectory of my life…and that means that a ripple effect has occurred and will continue to occur in my daughter’s life. And ya know what? None of that would have happened if I hadn’t taken a leap of faith into my first challenge group. I know, I know…you hear me talk about them all the time…but that’s because it’s the truth. It’s my truth. You can choose to believe me or not; I will never hide from my truth. Because I trusted God’s plan for me, it is literally my job to surround myself with amazing people, help others believe in themselves, and grow myself into a stronger, happier, more confident, more Godly, and more loving person every day. 

If I told 2 Years Ago Me that this would be my job? I’d tell myself I didn’t deserve it. But guess what? We deserve more than we could ever imagine…after all, a Father once decide we were WORTHY of His own Son’s torture and death. So yes, you do deserve a healthy, happy life. We all do. heart emoticon

Weekend Cheat Makeover

Happy FriYAY, friends! 

For whatever reason, when the Friday afternoon hits, it seems like so many goals are left at the office desk, waiting to be picked back up when the owner returns Monday morning.

Well, I'm in the business of ending the trend, so I vote we end this one, too, yes?? 

Here's what an EPIC treat night would look like for me, if I was really letting loose. (And by that I mean, if I hadn't had a cheat/treat in like 3 weeks lol. Oh, and no, not 1 little piece of everything...come on.)

Pizza Hut Pepperoni Pizza + Cinnamon Sticks with Icing (Have you had them? If not, do yourself a favor and don't... so you don't have to miss them. ;) ) 
Banana Cream Pie from Homemade Ice Cream & Pie Kitchen (And this slice is like bigger than my head!)

YES, I said it. TWO desserts. TWO big desserts. 
I'm a sweets girl, what can I say?

SO on a night like tonight, what's a girl to do? Overindulge in all of this and wake up in the morning upset that the hard work from this week isn't going to pay off like I thought it would?


Oooooor...how about we do a little makeover?
Here's what my heavenly makeover would look like:

Cauliflower Crust Pizza
Crust ingredients: 

• 1 head cauliflower 7 - 8" wide
• 1 egg, large
• 1/2 cup Parmesan or Mozzarella cheese, grated/shredded & not packed
• 1 tsp Italian (or rosemary, basil, parsley) herb seasoning
• 1/8 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper

And by that, I mean GIMME! 

Cinnamon Roll for One

Dough:

• 1/3 cup + 1 Tbsp oat flour, packed
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• scant 1/8 tsp salt
• 1 Tbsp coconut oil, melted (CCK note: vegetable oil will also work)
• 2 Tbsp + 2 tsp ripe banana, mashed

Filling:

• 2 dates, pitted (should be soft, not super dry)
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• Optional: vanilla yogurt of choice for icing

Oh, hello lovely. I love when things are already portion controlled for me so I don't have to practice any self-control. (hehehe)

And now for the cherry on top...

Raw Vegan Banana Cream Pie

Come. ON. How do they create such simple yet beautiful and delicious masterpieces? 

I need this in my life, like, yesterday.

CRUST:

• 1 heaping cup walnuts
• 1 heaping cup pitted dates (soaked for 10 minutes in warm water and drained)

FILLING:

• 1.25 cups cashews soaked for at least 4 hours or overnight, then drained
• 3.5 Tbsp coconut oil, melted
• 1/4 cup agave nectar or maple syrup
• 1 medium just ripe banana (~ 1/2 cup mashed)*
• 1/3 cup full fat coconut milk (I scrape the cream off the top for luxurious texture)
• 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1/4 tsp sea salt
• 2-3 Tbsp lemon juice

Click on the links above for full recipes! 

What recipes would YOU makeover?? Did you know there's a page here with lots of healthy recipe swaps? Let me know if you try any of them! 

Happy FriYAY & happy healthy living, friends!